--originally posted Wednesday, December 7, 2011--
So you know that whole thing where I thought my shodan test would be spaced out over a couple days? Yeah, that didn't happen, haha. We got through the material a lot quicker than expected on Monday, and we had enough time to justify staying late to just finish the test. So 4 of the 5 of us up for shodan tested the whole dang thing last night. The other one will probably test later this week - he wasn't able to come on Monday. Anyway, the test went well. Turns out everyone was right: I was ready for shodan, haha. I think I did well, once I got my head in the game, but maybe that's because I was so uncertain and doubtful, and the actual results were so much better than I thought they would be. *shrug*
It's pretty tiring to go through the entire test. We have 4 tiers of ranks before shodan: shoshinsha (white belt), shoden (9-7th kyu, green belt), chuden (6-4th kyu, green belt), and okuden (3rd-1st kyu, green belt). Then there's the shodan section, which is for your black belt. The test is cumulative, so you have to do everything up to and including the tier you're testing for. Definitely a test of your stamina, your ability to control your breathing, and your ability to stay calm while still moving with intention and spirit. Thankfully, Tucker-sensei was giving us short breaks in between each tier so we could breathe a little, get some water, and he could jot down some notes and confer with the other black belt judging. It would've been even more difficult otherwise.
In my opinion, the most important part of the test requirements for shodan (including all the other levels before that) is randori. It's at the very end of everything, and it's kind of like sparring, only realistic. I've seen it done differently, but the way Tucker-sensei had us do randori was he created a scenario that we had to survive or protect someone else and then survive. Two guys had the scenario of protecting their wife/girlfriend (role played by yours truly), one guy had to survive getting mugged on the street at gunpoint, and I had to not get kidnapped. Randori is always chaotic, just like anything you do in real life; it's not nice and neat like what we train in the dojo. Sensei had us moving slowly - but smoothly and with spirit - for that very reason; if we had gone full speed, no doubt someone would've been injured.
I had the benefit of watching two others go before me, but I didn't know who Sensei would call on next. Each time, he would point to someone on the sideline and tell them to go grab one of the weapons (just a knife and a gun, overall). And each time, I didn't know if he was going to be calling me up or someone else, so my mind immediately started creating scenarios to picture what I would do if someone had a knife or a gun. The fear is always there when you hear someone will have a weapon, particularly a gun in my case.
I played the role of the first man's wife for his randori. As I watched him go through the scenario, I realized that all my visualization of times when I might need to protect my sister or my friends had paid off: I already had the mindset of calling out for them to run, which is what the first man forgot to do. The man with the knife was able to get past my "husband" and stab me. Every other time, the man testing remembered to yell for me to get away, so I wasn't stabbed again.
The second scenario was a man being robbed at gunpoint, an event more likely to happen to him where he lives and works. The gun scenario, as I said, frightened me. Which means I need to work on those kinds of techniques and try to inoculate myself to that fear so I don't freeze or do something stupid if that ever comes up.
In the third scenario, the last guy was protecting his "girlfriend" (me). It ran about the same as the first guy's, except he had the benefit of already knowing to call out. (Or maybe he also already had that trained in his mind, like I did from frequent thought scenarios. The world may never know.)
I can't remember the last guy's test as well as the others (including my own), but I think all of us had issues getting out of the dojo, these-are-my-friends mindset.
My randori test had 2 variations, the overall goal being to kidnap me. The first time, Sensei told me to walk to the other end of the mat and face away from him. Then he called up one of the other guys and whispered to him what to do. Once he did that, he said aloud to me that the scenario was a kidnapping. I'm still facing the opposite direction (as part of the scenario). I could hear my attacker walking up the mat toward me, and I could feel that weird vibrating/prickly/tense feeling in my shoulders (the kind you get when you feel someone staring at you) when he got closer. In retrospect, if that had happened in real life, I would've turned around to see what was going on or who was coming. Instead I let him grab me, one hand over my mouth, one arm around my middle. Looking back, I shouldn't have let him do that (twice), but the end result was effective enough. He never did manage to pick me up and carry me (though he probably should've tried that). ((EDIT: He actually did pick me up the second time; I don't remember it at all, but apparently I got my feet back on the ground.)) I got away both times.
Funny story, actually. The second time (maybe?), I got free and started running like I was going to exit through one of the doors on the other end of the dojo, where my sensei had been sitting. He was standing during my randori, but I didn't know why. Turns out he was the van, and if I'd let myself get to that point I would've "lost." So I was basically running toward the real danger, haha. But he just kind of smiled and said it was fine since I didn't know he was the van. I didn't run that way again.
The second variation, I was facing my attackers. Sensei added another character to the scenario, and both of them were going to try and grab my wrists and drag me to the van (which was still indicated by Sensei). Not thinking that these are real enemies and not my friends, I let them grab my wrists. My mind was on doing some kind of technique instead of just getting away from them. I think I did that 3 times before Tucker-sensei stepped in and reminded me of the roles, asking me if I'd let two men just come up and grab my wrists. I smiled, because I'd just told myself while I was sitting and waiting (before it was my turn for randori) to stay in the role. Oh, how soon we forget. But it went much better once I got the right idea in my head. I can't remember if we ran that scenario one or 2 more times. Might've been 2. Anyway, the only one I remember after Sensei's correction was the last one. The two came in, and I didn't just stand there this time. I walked a little off to one side at an angle so that they were more lined up, and less able to both grab me at once. The one I was now closer to is more my size, and I'm more familiar with how his body moves. Somehow, I'm not sure how, I evaded a grab and turned the momentum to keep him between me and the original guy. Doing so brought me close to one of the big garage doors we have in our training space. It just so happened that the doors were pulled up about a foot to let in some cooler air, since the night was warm enough to need it. When I had been playing the roles of wife and girlfriend, that door was consistently my escape route, so I already had it in mind when it came my turn to escape.
((EDIT: Apparently I also had some look in my eyes after Tucker reminded me of the roles we were playing. A couple people have said that it looked like I was gonna kill someone. I find that interesting on a psychological level.))
So I'm there, keeping one man away by keeping the other man in front of me, and the door's right there. I know I can fit underneath - I had actually done just that on Saturday during a break at a training workshop, just for kicks to see if I could fit under the crack when it was smaller (maybe 4"?) - and I glance down, then go for it. I disengaged and scurried underneath onto the loading dock outside. I can't remember if someone (or multiple people) cheered or clapped ((EDIT: They clapped)), but I remember hearing a positive response (and being pretty pleased with myself, too). That was the end of my randori. As with the others, Tucker-sensei had me come to the center and face away from him while he and the other black belt (our only other one at the time) quietly conferred about whether to promote me. I had no doubt that I would be promoted, and sure enough, when he told me to turn around he gave me a shiny new black belt and said "congratulations."
It's a huge confidence booster to make it through everything and have your sensei decide you're ready for shodan. I was on an adrenaline/happy high for the rest of the night, haha. Mass texted a bunch of my Bujinkan friends and some of my other friends who I don't see often but would be excited with me. Tweeted about it. Took pictures on my phone of my old belt and patch, then my new belt and patch. And just generally celebrated, haha. Of course, once the excitement wears off and putting on the new belt feels normal, my mind will once again be back to a place of examining and learning. Now I have to start applying myself to studying and asking myself why we do something, breaking down the techniques to see what's really going on. In a couple months, Tucker-sensei will be gone and we new black belts will be leading class.
It's not just that I'll have to help teach that will push me to up the ante on my learning approach: "shodan" literally means "first level." Now that I've shown a certain level of mastery of basic techniques and a certain level of spirit and determination, I'm considered a real student. NOW I can start truly studying, and that's very exciting to me. I've seen the 15th dans move and teach, and it's incredible. I've seen people closer to my rank move and teach, and I always learn something. I have so many people to look up to and learn from, and it's such a blessing. And so long as some of my friends stay above me, I'll witness firsthand the combination of a humble spirit, good taijutsu (body movement), and a student's attitude.
I've got a lot to learn, and I know it. Now I need to polish everything, and learn not just the techniques, but the "why" behind every aspect of them. It's gonna be a lot of work, but so much fun. I love that you can spend an incredible amount of time on one basic thing in this art and still not have it perfectly. There's always room to improve and learn! Even our grandmaster, amazing and magical as he is, is still learning.
"Banpen fugyo" is something I've heard on occasion in the Bujinkan circle. It means "one thousand changes, no surprises." There's suddenly been a shift in my training, as though I really did cross a threshold, and things are changing. The trick will be to stay true to myself and my purpose and just flow with what comes. I entitled this post "banpen fugyo" partially for that and also because I hadn't expected to test everything on Monday night; things changed from my predictions and I had to go with it.
I'd like to add another Bujinkan saying that gets passed around like candy, but remains very meaningful: "ganbatte." It means something like "keep going," "do your best," or "good luck," but the emphasis is on the effort you put into it (not cosmic luck). I mostly use it for "keep going," and it's been my primary thought since testing. I'm a shodan now, and all that means is that my sensei now considers me a serious student, and others can see by my belt that I'm a committed student. All that's left for me is to keep training; I'm telling myself "ganbatte."
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